I think going into the show, I expected it to be something like wannabe-Eminem meets Vanilla Ice. So pretty much the equivalent of the crowd being pooped on. That is what I expected. Poop.
Maybe it is because my expectations were so low, but I ended up thinking a little differently after the show. We are going to break this down piece-by-piece, point-by-point. What worked, and what did not work. By the end, we hopefully will have the real Chet Haze.
To someone who is new to the rap game (Is that even appropriate for me to say? Rap game? That just looks wrong, sitting there like a couple of poser-words. Who am I to say rap game? Ugh, we’re leaving it anyway), I think I pretty much found what I was expecting. Jeans, Kinetik shirt, chain necklace, and classic briefs (Is it weird for a guy to critique another guy’s underwear? . . . Nah). Simple, sure, but I feel like Chet Haze would rather we focus on his beats and rhymes than anything else, so it was not a big deal, and perhaps a relief, that he did not come out in huge shades or NYC cap. Thank God.
Mr. Haze scores a 5/10. It would be a six, but honestly it would have been a huge kick if he was the spitting image of his father (Tom Hanks, to everyone who was unfortunate enough to not pick up on that), so I missed that. Admit it, you wondered it too the first time you saw him.
Standard club-style. Most of his tracks followed the same story of “Hey, you’re hot, so let me take you home, and after we intoxicate ourselves, I’ll show you a good time.” Nothing really profound coming from Chet Haze, but at the end of the day, it is all good. After all, what is he supposed to talk about up there? His tough, inner-city upbringing? His life on the streets? The time he capped some fool? No. Mr. Haze just wants to tell us about his good times. That is cool. I feel that (another crowd of poser-words right there). He does not need to be profound, he does not need to be raw and real, he just needs to be fun. Mission accomplished, Mr. Haze (spawn idea #1: spin-off web series in which Chet Haze becomes Agent Haze and beats the shit out of terrorists or something. I’d watch. You’d watch. It’s an instant smash).
Everyone needs their bros or bro-ettes (coined that on the spot) to back them up when they are doing a live show. I guess that is just a rule. Maybe it is a security thing, in case he needs to be hustled off the stage and away from some crazed female fan. Maybe it is a status thing. Whatever. I liked the Kinetik entourage. The DJ (Mena Abebe) let him have his spotlight, and whoever the dude was in the white tee and the Redwings cap gave him a nice intro (I guess it is also a rule that at least one person in an entourage has to sport something Detroit-affiliated—it provides legitimacy). They were a good support group to the main event, and they deserve props.
8/10—my one gripe with Kinetik is that they need a slogan. Spawn idea #2: a contest, put on by Kinetik to create this tagline. It is chosen by their fans, and the winner would receive a boatload of Kinetik swag—they already have all of those shirts and hats, why not have a giveaway? It would promote Chet Haze, it would promote the company, someone would get a bunch of free stuff, and if the apparel was re-released with the new slogan, more people might be interested in buying the product. Win win win win.
4. The Crowd
I wanted to distinguish this from the final section, because I think it is important to gauge the crowd as a standalone thing. I think that the cool thing about a Chet Haze concert (Is concert the right word? I’ll give it to him.) is that no matter what people think about his music, they support him anyway. People sang along to the songs they knew, especially “Hollywood”, which is a total fan-favorite, and Haze’s personal tribute to Northwestern, “White and Purple”. People were enthusiastic for his new tunes, and respectful of his old tunes. It was hilarious to see a confined fan base like this manage to be enthusiastic all the same. Chet Haze had to feel us for us to feel him, and I think he did that.
Guys, we get a 9/10.
5. The Overall Performance
Here is what sold me on Chet Haze: he does not have the smartest lyrics, he does not have the most talent in the world, and he does not perform in the biggest venues, but goddammit if he does not make it a fun show. He is totally devoted to putting on a performance for NU. He gets the crowd waving, he holds the girls’ hands (No joke, on the way back from the show, a pack of girls on the stairs asked me if I saw him just so they could tell me that they all touched him. They were gushing. They were all out of breath too, which was weird, but I guess that’s a side effect of making contact with Chet Haze), he has us sing along, he welcomes the freshman (Whataguy), he had the whole “Go U! NU!” going, he busted out an encore presentation and let loose with all of the fan-favorites, and he even had us give him the claw. He was fully invested in making sure everyone was having fun, and I think that is just about all we can ask from the guy.
The concencus after the show was this: not the greatest music, but definitely entertaining, and if I were being honest, I have to agree. I said before that I expected him to be wannabe-Eminem meets Vanilla Ice. He (thankfully) missed that mark. Now, I see him more as a Mike Posner (singing/rapping combo) meets Jason Derulo (for the way he says his own name before his songs) meets Vanilla Ice (after his hit but before he started trying too hard). There. That seems accurate.
At the end of it all though, Chet Haze is there for the crowd, and that is what we want from the guy. As a performer, he is a 9/10. That’s the real Chet Haze (plus, the dude’s pretty strong-looking, so a lower score might induce him to beat me up or something, does that happen in college?).
Post-article spawn idea #3: a campaign to push for Chet Haze to appear onstage with Nas. One song, one showing. That is all.